Letters to god..

hello everyone... i know i blogged last night.. but thought of sharing something which struck my heart today.. well the day started ok busy as always but then evening was something different.. went swimming with the guys and then had a movie night in church.. the movie screening was "Letters to god" well glad that the youth ministry organized this event and we were blessed to have an awesome audience and was supported by our own parents.. they coming and gracing the event was a huge strength as well.. hmm well this movie is a such a .... hmmm *Takes a deep breath* i really don't know how to describe this.. such a wonderful movie.. it describes about this child whose 10 years and whose also suffering with cancer... he goes for chemo and also he goes through various things in life.. hmm but still there is one thing which keeps him going.. his FAITH.. that lil bro for the age of 10 had a strong faith and also love for jesus.. so every single day he wrote letters to god explaining on all what he goes through and also all what he wished for... he sends the letters through a postman who actually reads them and has a conversion on his own life.. Many people were touched because of this little kids faith.. He's faith moved mountains! and also it elaborates on JOHN 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. the key word here is BELIEVE!! well that little guy believed that he is going to heaven and he believed that god listens to our prayers.. this movie was so sensitive that tears were jus coming to my eyes... its really touchy and it was not only me.. all those who were present there were touched by the movie... sigh i wil watch it again and again.. the message to us in this movie as i see is like this.. no matter how or what life gives us, we should be ready to take it.. and not to complain but to take it as a blessing. even the bible just STAMPS it saying that who ever believes in him will have eternal life. its up to us to believe in his love and to believe that our god is always watching over us.. he loved us so much and he gave his only son to us.. and that son died for us.. do you think that lord who gave all that would let us down?? no way ya?? it cannot possible happen.. so its upto us to take the right decisions in life.. i dont know what made me blog today! but i hope its all for a good reason.. this movie is such a inspiration to all of us.. no matter what our life is what ever we have to deal with.. lets remember that he is always watching over us and his mighty hands are always protecting us... its just a matter of us putting out our foot and standing up for him.. lets all of us just give the truth of our hearts to him and open up to him and let him take control of our lives.. hmm guess thats all wat i gotta say i guess.. also wanna add up by sayin this movie is one nice movie.. and it is encouraged to watch.. hmm thank u lord for inspiring me to write this.. wel its another chapter in ma life just ma review and how i took the movie... take care everyone.. god bless u all!!!

untitled......

well hi everybody!! i know its been exactly a month since i last blogged out! but watta do?? been really really busy with school. Hmmm cause there is NO break at all in things.. tru enough that its the mid semester break but there is no break at all... hmm anyway turning the pages of life i come across different life experienced every single day.. well firstly i would like to thank all who commented on the peeps box!! thanks guys!!! well moving on.. well since the last time i have been upto wrk wrk wrk and more wrk as usualy.. Things at uni are ok... sometimes things are very annoying with these ppl who dont think about humans but only there self well those times its soo annoying... and also when the wrk load gets huge and u try to do somethin sacrificing all ur other wrk and at the end after all that sacrifice nothing comes up its more humiliating! this adds up where when ur BOSS is not stable and when Other ppl try to interfere. Sucks at times but the weird thing is that this is a unique world we gotta survive with the rest.. hmm really dont wanna talk about those ppl cause it jus boils ma blood! anyway openly i forgive to this person who runs behind money and who is soo greedy for money! i hop you wil understand that money is NOT everything someday...
and moving on.. went to Mt Singai a couple of times and with different groups! first was with church servers where we learnt alot on serving and team wrk. 2nd was with Swinburne CSS which was also for 3 days and 2 nights. This was awesome too! haha lOved the FOOD yum yyum yum.. well when it came to praise nad worship sessions it was awesome as well!! had a few struggles as well! but when the lord took over all were ok.. all were a good experience in life. WEll its mid sem break and havent done anything. im supposed to b done with the software by now.. but not yet as well! i dont knw wats lagging me.. but i really knw i can do it. sometimes i find it really crazy to b this lagging. But after mid sem i knw that i really need to put ma socks up and go ahead with wrk. I will do it..
Sometimes surviving with ppl with diff opinions is hard. but watta do! all part of the journey i guess.. Cause som ppl change there ideas.. som ppl say one thing and do something else, mood swings, Not growing up... well made me realize about life where ppl who have, dont know to make the use of it... i seriously dont knw why that is... arghhh its sad to see all that... anyway...
ooh ya just today was in the mall and fig'd out that som ppl are so dramatic.. they say its a reason but reality its something diff...i dont care at all.. if they wanna hide drama let them do it.. its not gonna hit me o anything.. well forget about em the place where things go more worse is that when those ungrown ups com into place.. arghghhh too complicating to explain.. i dont evn knw as to why am i bloggin about al these.. but oh well.. all are bits and pieces of life...
hmm well This December is gonna b one crazy holiday.. since the wedding is comin up got heaps o wrk to do... so havent planned on a date as such to fly but might as well stick wit da same i guess.. hmm lets see how things go.. cant wait to get back to do al that wrk and to b wit da family again... well after all this is gonna b da last time i guess.. god knws whn we wil com bak.. anyway hop for the best in everything. wish i seriously can go back now.. haizz anyway save the best for last! i would rather take it slow and easy and go for it.. haha cause after all there is only about 7 weeks left more to go! and then its HOME going season, which adds up christmas.. hhaaha this christmas is gonna b crazy as well... hmm gonna do something this tim for sure... and hopfully i'll b able to do some cover at home hmmm its hard work! but if i master ma skills in this software i got them im sure to go! hahaha btw the home internet conn is superb and im enjoying it lik crazy hahaha new softwares and most importantly latest GLEE episodes hahaha LOlzz im ahead o the rest as well!:P hehe im up to date on GLEE hahaa anyway this season seems to b pretty awesome! new songs and stuff hmm lets see how things will go.. anyway cant believe that ma holiday is comin t an end.. hmm missing ammi's bday this tim also! haizz.. lets see wat we can do.. plannin on something.. :P gotta get ready for that now.... other than that glad youth is coming up and gonna get da activities started up and keep rolling.. somtimes i think y lord do i hav to study?? if i cu do administration wrk i wud def do it hahaha :P anyway i wish i can serve 24/7 but cant nah?? gotta finish up these thing and graduate then gotta think o something! hmmm maybe masters which is lik later! hahaha :P lets see! there are huge dreams and goals to achieve but before that i gotta fight to achieve all o them.. which does not come easily! sometimes i think i could go and jus do ma own thing... but cannot na! but things wil change soon! and i knw that and i claim that... i only wish there was a proper transport sys over hea so that i dont need to wry at all! haizzz its driving me nuts at times as well... but lets seeeeee!!! wont loose focus on anythin!! all gonna b surrenderd and been prayed so that everything will go ok........ well hop to blog up somthin soon... until then take care all...

how i realised things...

hey u all! how are u all doing? im sure everyone is doing gr8.. well today i come up with another page in ma life.. honestly i had a tiring day today! and i feel like sleeping and its 1.15 am as well.. but there is this strong urge to blog something... feel like there are alot of ideas in my heart.. well where can i start from.. its september already and half of the month has passed away as well... since uni is on and things are just about starting to come up. thank god im taking 3 and plus im stuck with council wrk so life jus doesnt get any better than that. well everyday there is jus something that comes up and keeps me occupied and im actually happy about that. Rather than got NOTHING to do.. in a way since im working in the designing department in the council its a good opportunity for me to master ma photoshop skills! hehe lolzz not bad at all!! well moving on..
For the past few days things have been different.. well i really dont know why it is so... actually its in a good way.. I feel that im very hard working and the results turn out to be good as well.. leav out school, other than that well i have this inner peace which i get from youth.. serving god everyday... leading people in gods path.. its so awesome.. i feel joy in ma heart lik never before.. well we had a gathering in campus and then i made a video teaser just like a trailer with the events and while that was going on i felt goosebumps.. it was an amazing experience. and seeing alot of catholics in campus made me go Wheeeee as well hehe it was a wonderful evening that day.. and adding to that shy and prec spoke to me and said they wil join HTC youth to serve. i was soo happy.. actually they have bee wanting to do it for a long time.. but now the time had come they couldnt say no anymore. Im speechless about this.. actually god calls each and everyone of us in different ways.. its just upto us to respond to his calling and act according to it.. I also feel that we are a blessed generation.. and to serve him, to praise him and worship him.. all o them are so amazing..
moving on to my life..i can say that i take my life as a journey.. i walk in a road and in this journey i come across bumps, ruts, broken roads etc. well the weird thing i realized today was this.. I was a normal guy in Sri Lanka and i was a sinner, and then the lord found me thru my community and i was serving there. he moulded me and shaped me according to his will.. And now here I am in Kuching, Malaysia doing his will and spreading his news through music. Why did god chose me for all this?? i feel so special... OMG im feel so loved by god.. cause im happy that he chose me and sent me to this part of the world in my mission.. Well i could have gone to australia to do ma studies, my relatives are there, my community is there and i ot all the comforts out there.. But why did god sent me to this part! cause i believe he's got a purpose in that... this is out of my way. But no matter what, how ever much its hard i hav unconsciously taken it like a blessing. Thanks to ma HTC, empowered families and also my awesome friends. All of them have been there for me whenever i need them and backing me up. Supporting me and being there for me just like my own.. See in this country i cant speak none of the main languages, But stil how am i going on with my daily work?? this is indeed a blessing from god and i thank and praise his name always! and i will continue on in my journey of faith of spreading his kingdom to the ENDS OF THE EARTH! now these words were just words for me.. i just put it to the video and etc.. but coming to think of it, It has a Deeper meaning. And my mission testifies to it well.. I know my lord loves me and he will guide me thoughout. Im blessed in my mission in such young age. Well what made me realise more was this:
i was a totally different person before. and then after the lord found me and moulded me things changed and now my family is my priority and everything to me.. i realised this properly cause of the testimony my mom had written. I came t realise alot of things, that im not that weird different person anymore and i have seriously changed, Looking back to my life i can even ask that question what on earth was i thinking... well anyway alot of things were my priority then, But now things are no longer that..
Just cause i sound holy that doesnt mean that i have NOT been put to the test. I, just like a normal human being have been put to the test regularly. But i am overcoming them slowly through the strength of god. Of course i see alot of things when i go on FB. about my friends, how happy there lives are, they have moved on in life, people whom i dint expect have gained so much of happiness in life, some are in relationships, some are going all strong in life and etc. I am actually really happy for them. They deserve all that happiness, and i pray to god that they continue in there lives well, They will do there work very well and there relationships to grow stronger. I on my hand got no clue at all when i will meet up with that person, But i pray for her daily so that god will protect her where ever she is and hope she is in good care and good health. Hope she's growing in her faith and also she is always filled with happiness. God only knows when i will meet her. but its his will! and not mine. so i will wait. I got many more things to do right now. There is a young generation whom i have to lead in his path.. wow not to boast much i feel chosen by god to lead them.. hehehe well thanks to Jude i learned about interceding for your loved one..
Well talking about Jude i like to share something which s so awesome. Jude Antoine is a preacher from KL. I used to love is preaching. Firstly i met him in India at power 2009 and then i came to malaysia but couldnt actually meet him cause he was in another state which takes about a 2 hour flight. So then i couldnt wait to see him in power 2010. But before that i found him on FB and introduced ma self and we were keeping in touch. And then i met him in power and during dinner i went and spoke to him and was talking and told about kuching and etc. And then he mentioned what a small world it is and he knows sue and everyone specially HTC so then i was so happy he go to know me and all..hehe (Collars up) haha anyway i aw his status few weeks back saying e's coming to kuching for a retreat with the empowered ministry. So then, i sent him a mail asking if we can meet him, and then he said not sure but something inside me told that i will meet him. So i told sue about it and then just after the retreat while he was having dinner we got a chance to talk to him! OMG what an amazing chance that was.. i couldnt believe i met him! im a Sri Lankan, Met him in India and then i meet him in Kuching. Lords love is so amazing and weird as well! his plans are so awesome! and int he long term run u feel wat actually he wants us to do. Its not instant at all. at first we might feel thats its really stupid, thats cause we are human and we are weak, but as time goes by we start realising things and then we say OMG that actually happened.. sigh sigh sigh after talking to him i felt that i was RE-Fueled and felt like i can carry on with stuff.. And i will do it.. I am in my mission and I will do it... doesnt matter what ever it takes... cause Lord i give you my heart, I give you my soul, I live for you alone, Every Breath that i take, Every moment im awake, Lord have your way in me...
Well now i feel relived cause i just typed my self out... Praise the lord! and may god bless each and everyone who are reading this.... this ends another page of my life.. awaiting to blog somemore soon!! until then b blessed! PEacee!!! :))

junction and after.............

heyy everyone... its me back again.. well cudnt blog for awhile cause i just got back in Malaysia and still settling down. well with the up's and downs im still going on my journey.. i passed the junction which i came across strongly thank and praise almighty god for that. Living in a house is not the same as staying in the hostel. things are pretty different. alot more giving in.. and looking into everyone and mak sure that the house is in 1 piece :P well its all a good experience and great training.. well things have been tough personally... after 21 years had a serious family convo and had to make som important decisions about my family and my self.. well coming to think of it i already feel the responsibilities i have to tak regarding my family.. im ready for all of that.. all i can say is im going to play it as it comes.. oh by the way before i forget i want to testify something.. while back in sri lanka i just felt that i want to go to st. anne's church.. and something was pushing me.. so since dad was also around we decided to go there. it all just connected that sr rani also wanted to madhu but since of the feast agreed to go to thalawila.. well we decided to go on a saturday morning and it was about a 3-4 hour drive. such a good exp to drive out of the city and you have your freedom in the road hahaha i jus love road trips hehehe nywayz coming to the main topic.. went to church and then said the rosary at the statue and then we went to the blessed sacrement.. i had ma pod with me and i jus went there and plugged it in and began to worship. i jus had a vision there! i saw me playing guitar and a choir backing me up. and then sash came over and said mass was going to begin! so i went out and was seated and preparing for mass.. and jus 2 mins before mass began there comes a man sayin WE NEED SOM1 TO PLAY FOR MASS AND A CHOIR TO SING.. i jus cudnt believe my ears. i was lik lord you are so awesome.. and anyway i had a passion to play.. so i played for mass and backed up by our family choir.. it was so awesome that mario was also there he joined into! so felt more confident... was jus worshipping god in all i have.. simply amazing.. hmm well time passed by and i had to come back here. glad that all what i wanted to talk with our family was discussed and then most of them were decided and planned so that every1 was happy at the end of the day... cause next time we meet its gonna b such a rush.. so all are set and planned now.. i came hea and had to deal with som issues in campus... and BOOM hea we go sem 2.. things are going pretty ok.. still 1st week! 13 more to go.. and plus got student council work to see to as well... hmm helping out wit church youth work as well... cause thats one of my dreams.. i really feel that im destined to spread the kingdom over here. and from the boost i got from india and since i have been finding my purpose of my journey.. i feel that i knw its to spread the kingdom.. and i seriously gt some passion to spread it.. i see this road ahead but its a bit misty.. by prayer i knw god wil take that away.. and i will go with it.. had a movie night in church it was about mother teresa's life.. for a suprise it was the movie which was shot in sri lanka.. so i was so happy... and the turn out was nice as well.. got some awesome feedback which encouraged us to go on.. well with all wat i hear and things happen i just get more stronger and feel like going more forward in the journey i have to go.. i really thank and praise god for my brother desmond who is doing a wonderful job in KL... he is going on his journey preaching the word to others.. its so amazing cause his life is a testimony to god.. and he is using it and god has blessed him with some awesom talent.. and so happy for him.. weird things happened as well.. som ppl whom i really well knw try to threaten me thru FB and testin my faith.. well evn though how ever im angry i wil always bless them and forgive them.. cause they really do not know what they are doing.. may god shower his light unto them so that they wil seek his face rather than gettin caught up with external things.. may god bless them 2wice as much more and make them happy. after all they are all children of god.. about the plans for my future.. these coming 13 weeks are challenging.. personally and as a team i got to do alot.. im willing to take it up! just for the love of my family.. i will do anything.. i have to sacrifice certain things.. and i will do that.. just to make my mom smile.. well i knw what ma family is thinkin if im crazy in letting go of certain things.. but its just that i need to make my life straight first and then i will carry on... let it happen when its the right time.. until then i will intercede for that person where ever she is.. may the lord bless and protect her always.. well i got a busy weekend coming up as my mission begins.. i surrender every step unto u lord.. guide me thru the way and jus want you to make me an instrument of you.. so that i'll b able to spread the message of your will... by these words i sign out for the moment! wil b bak with some more pages in my life soon... until then i bid goodbye and leav u with gods blessings!!

i see the junc coming ahead... god help me..

hmmm bak again wit another page in life.. bak after india and the presence of god was simply amazing.. well jus dint feel tat week pass by soo fast.. it was jus awesome.. me by my self.. doin wat eva i wan and spendin that week wit god was truly awesome.. well met new friends.. learnt alot about life and also helped me in figuring about my self.. which was a big "????" nywayz jus got bak from india on monday and now the main question is NOW WHAT??? how are we gonna take it over from hea.. well all i knw is that since we got out of the heavenly gates of divine it has jus been alot of testing which has com across alot in life.. well all what im doing is jus surrendering to god after what i have gone thru... well today jus havin alot o thoughts in my mind so thought o blogging it out.. started off wit uni stuff.. had som stuff to deal wit and was doing it all day and was dead tired... thn finally things are now on pendin mode.. al hop for da best for next week.. then in da evenin put da car key in da car and locked it out... and then was in panik mode had to rush bak home and get bak again.. thank god it was in a reachable area.. but then it was seriosly testing my patience... i was struggling lik crazyy but stil holding on.. well its jus been the beg! its only one week after the retreat and things lik this have been happening.. dunno wat else is in store for da future.. next week is gonna b a crucial week and i wil b taking alot of important decisions in life... which is gonna change alot o things.. its lik 50% 50% im waiting for it and also NOt waiting for it.. cause i really dunno how i feel about it.. dads due next week and will b takin the decisions as such so its gonna effect my future and da days to com.. and there is gonna b alot of letting go then.. sighh but seems lik im gettin ready for all of that.. well its high time i really started to think about my life and try to do somthin about me.. i knw the plans and mission i have to do.. and i know there are alot of responsibilities that i have to tak to ma shoulder.. after january all of that will b comin to my head... so i gotta b ready to tak all of that over me.. so all of that will be taken into consideration next week.. all i can do us sufrrender it to god.. im ready for everythin.. im sick of listenin to all praises ppl talk about da rest.. and its high time i do somthin on my own and com up in life.. its not easy not a straight road. i got NO1 by my side jus god alone. i gotta battle it out.. but right now for all wats happenin is SO not helping.. but the time has com where i really need to tak that heavy bag on my shoulder and start walking in that road. its gonna b jus god and me.. i thought others were happy abo9ut the decisions they made in life.. but seems lik they got there probs as well.. so in that case im happy the way i am.. all i can do is interceed for all of them and go ahead wit my journey.. i forgiv for all o the ppl who make me annoyed and who hav don wrong to me.. thats wat im destined to do.. forgive... after doin so much ppl jus dont evn bother to inform.. well its alright... i stil forgiv... well i knw there were none at the beg and tere wil b none at the end.. its jus GOD AND ME.... as long as he is there wit me i wil not fear.. i feel his presence surround me always.. so im ready it tak it on... today at the end of this day i pen off this page by sayin i forgive all the ppl who don wrong and also ask forgiveness from all if i hav don any wrong. and wil promise to say that i wil interceed for u all.. well its not gonna b an easy task right now.. but in the journey its a challenge from god.. and i wil do it for him, my parents and that person im interceeding for... tc everyone.. hope to b bak wit another page in life soon....

a life changing moment... in a junc waiting for ma turn..

helloo sri lanka.. haha well i know its a bit late but stil "better late than never" hmm thought o blogging today cause i got a biiit Freeee tim and i got alot of thoughts in my mind.. well startin things.. where shud i begin?? well ya takes back to the tim where iw as studying for ma exams.. talking about exams Atghhhh dont ask! feels lik that curse is stil there LOlzz thats jus a thing in my head.. nywayz results were out and Uploads were 2 and Downloads were 2.. so 50% 50% thankgod for that! it was kinda an eye openr as well. cause it helped to choose a path where im comfortable wit.. and also gives me a message that nothin is impossible for me if i really really wanna do it i can do it.. it was proved.. hmm well nywayz now i knw watta do about it and i wil do something about it cause its in ma mind now.. other than that life.. now life has becom pretty interesting.. and weird at the same time.. i came across a few insidents which jus made me pause and think back on life again... well after all this is another piece o life which has turned out to b weird..
well before i came bak to sl i came across a few stuff where i jus thought about life how things can happen to ppl and not to me.. it was a heartbreaker as well.. but i jus skipped it now im in sl and things hea are diff that malaysia..the busy lifestyle is a bit less and dealing wit ppl is NOT as same as there so switching is the best remedy.. hmm well hav been speaking to alot and coming across instances wher things are such.. somtimes i think IF i hve been played around??? cause its lik for a season i am remembered and da next moment jus thrownn to th waste bin????? hmm idk.. cause this weirdness drives me NUTS! well now coming to think properly i agree wit moms statement which is lik sooo tru... applying it to my plan i think that it wil do SOME god for me... well there cam a point where i thought ppl were close but now it has com to think after all wat u do for em.. at the end of the day u get 0... bein there and helpin out has becom somthin which is unexplainable! yaaa right now i sound lik i wanna say somthin but i cant! exaclty i cant do it! cause if i really express my self out hea SO MANY PPL wil get hurt... but i DONT wanna point out mistakes out hea! of course i got my own.. so i will keep them do mee....
well another interesting COMEDY that me and a friend o me are facing is DSW.. welll well that person who is AKA spammer.. is such a weird dumb dimb bulb.. HAHA i dont evn knw why am i evn botherd typing.. who tries to GET attention by makin fake profiles and tryin to run a drama o her own... my mom says is right.. ERR I DUNNO WATS HER PROB... well DSW complains that life doesnt run smoothly and etc... wat a small brain and narrow thinkin is that... thinks that LOVE is everything! came for an argument wit me about love and thinks that lve is jus a smooth road and everythin wil b ok?? EWWWWWWW sooo wrong.. and very very WRONG idea.. DSW has not gone thru the life chapters and thinks that everythin is lik GOOGLE.. u GOOGLE em and u get it and THTS WAT ITS ALL ABOUT?? wat a ......................... nvm.. all i can do is pray..
nywayz no times for dim light bulbs.. gointo india tomoro.. wel its gonna b a life changin journey! I HOP AND PRAY that it wil happen that way cause right now the way life has treated me its JUST GOD thats all i wan... and the way life is goin im NOT happy at all.. I jus need to make my plan straight and ACE it this time.. evn today which is a very special day where BOTH my grand moms celebrate there bday.. hmm goin out for dinner in a while.. CLIFF is in SL and takin him around.. comin bak to topic.. came across this person who is cls and whose achieved somwat and gave this weird att today i was lik WTH>>???? gonna b watchful before aug????? and whereas in im lik flyin tomoro????? hmm how watchful shd i b?? hmmm ppl change! its nothin new.. well also where the ppl are being praised for every singl thin and only we know how da real drama happens... well no use o talkin about all these things.. im gonna put my plan into practice.. jus gonna stick with wat i have to do.... and then in the end its gonna b all good i suppose.. cause im only gonna giv this 3 yrs a chance.. and then until then if things din wrk out.. then im jus gonna talk to ma parents and get plan B working out... well this retreat is gonna do somwat good i guess... hmm knowing my purpose of this life and to get to know my mission... i think i can hold on.. to fullsill my dream! cause im really sick of listening to all the boasting and stuff... its high time that things turned upside down.. and im gonna make that happen.. jus me and god.. and until the real time comess... im not gonna give in... i will really put it into my head this time.. jus cause o DSW im not gonna let dreams shatter... and i wil take over all my family for sure... thats wat im promising before this retreat.. and during this i will have time to put it into my head and to realise things... and after im back my plan will be underway... well thats it for da moment.. well sadly i cant tell everythin i feel! cause then its jus gonna worsen things up,.... nywayz im heading to bed... gotta b at the airport in less than 11 hourss.. and jus finished packing up and in winding my laptop... so long and farewell all.. wil b bak in 1 week time... and then hop to type out som life changing stuff... wil pray for u all!! love to all! take care everybody!!

Where is the love?? - II another random page the book of life..

helloooo everyone.. jus thought of dropping by to say hi to you all!! how is everyone?? im sure all of you are burning your midnight oil by now and getting ready for the SeASoN FiNale! well all the best to all of you! giv ur best shot and let god do the rest!! well i havent been blogging for sometime and thought of typing out something out cause there is such alot in ma heart. Well being having some sleepless nights and trying to finish up assignments. and now tryin to finish up exams. hopfully tim will run fast.. talking about time i cant imagine 6 months jus went really fast! but right now i just need a break! im really tired! i need to get som rest home!! well life has not been offering the very best but i aint gonna panic o worry about it. Certain stuff been happening around me and most of them have been jus reminding me about stuff. This lifestyle kinda takes me bak to the era where i was free after ma o/l's well i thought that no1 wil eva love me again and i know its true! i have come in to the same conclusion once again! and i know that how eva perfect ppl's lifes are things will not be the same with me. If you take life as a competition im waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy behind right now. it kinda suxx as well but oh well.... sometimes it makes me think for a while put ma creativ pictures on and think how gifted other ppl are.. they seem to b havin all the happines in life. no regrets. they get all the love and support they need. hmmm i really thank god for there happiness! may there happiness grow more. thats the only thing i cud wish for right now.! turning the arrow towards me i know that im a seeker of somthing which i value for the rest of my life. im still seeking that thing which i have been longing for. while typing out this i feel that there is alot of sadness in my heart. But i just cant express all of them in words. it just doesnt work out! Moving on.. tomoro which is the last saturday the 5 mystery men will be performing together in church! Des-Con-David-Top & me.. da 5 of us bond so well in church and i jus love da understanding between us while we play! but des is leaving on sunday! which is tragic.. Guardian he is the word says it all! i really salute him! he just does not care about his happiness but always goes one extra mile jus to make the rest happy.. I have never seen a person like him in ma life and im glad that i got to know him! his life conversion and the way god talks to us through his life is surely a testimony to share always! My spiritual life has grown because of him and i have no regrets to say that!! sometimes lik a father, lik a brother, lik a friend lik an adult i look up to him all the time possible. I find it kinda easy to open up to him and i know since he is one step ahead he knows if there is anything wrong in me.. isnt that awesooooom??? im thinkin o taking a break after tomoro and playbak after i com again from sl... sometimes i jus feel that my life is pretty unstable... but he made it stable!! and also now he goes on his journey towards his success!i wish him all the best in life. and bro thank u always for being there for me... means so much! i wil never forget you!! Further on.. the drama continuation has been happening! this time its about playing with lives. For some love is a game and for some love is everything. Playing with somthing which is very precious is jus being a fool f them selves! well i wish i can talk but i wud rather stay quiet! no use of talking to them!! it will be surely a waste of time... I wish i can jus open up all those feelings and tell it out but sadly i cantt!! its all BLOCKED UP! cuase i really dunno how to tell it out! i just cant express my self these days! GRR it suxxxx ooh ya one important thing i wanted to type out was about random comments i got! som ppl try to jus b mean o sarcastic i dunno! but i feel sorry for the simple fact they cant realise that this is my page and i can write anything! i so do not offend anyone through my page! its jus that i write wat i wan and im tryin to express how i feel! well if som ppl cant appreciate that i cant help it! well guys i not scoldin to each and everyone of you kays?? so dont tak it hard! im sure the ppl know who im talkin about!! if they life bullshit o not i really dont care! and i cant help it cause it soo not ma problem! thats da main reason y they cant possibly handl there own relationship cuse o there EGO nothin my EGO hmmm well i jus wish there lives will be changed!! no offense kaysss chill chill i guess i gotta pen off for the moment! but stay tuned cause holidays gonna b awesom!! more posts, covers and awesom stuff coming uppppp!!! until then JIA YOU and GAMBATEH to all!! take care all! godbless!! see u all sooonn!!!

where is the love????

hi hi well its june already and i cant believe 6 months of the year hav just passed by.... sigh sigh been away from home for 6 months and i think its a long time! sigh suxx to b out o home. WeLl da reason i thought o bloggin today is cause im going to open another chapter.. hmmm well today i thought i blogging about LoVe
well honestly i think Love is crazy and its the most stupidest thing which can happen in a persons life! and u give out ur heart to som1 at the end of the day u jus end up being such a LOOSER. well my friend came up to me and told me his story and i felt all this thoughts so im gonna blog it all out! jus wanna say if u who are reading this are lovers.. im sorry! its jus me writing ma thoughts! so please dont get offended! this is jus me me me and me!
so im NOT gonna publish his story cause its privvate! well wat i think is this
Love between 2 ppl is FAKE and seriously with his story i jus hated the word LOVE!
everyone thinks that loVE is a nice sweet thing! but its not! its alL BULLSHIT to the maxx.. cause there is no use of love! a person can b his own and hav there own time! well lOve is a waste of money, time and energy... cause the out come is jus 0!!!! u get nothin outta it! u can debate me anytime! wel u lik a person and u do everything! and at the end o the day u jus end up being such a big looser! cause that person wil jus leav u! and then poor u wil b jus ended up in a corner sheddin tears! and then the person u liked?? heh NO WAY! that person wil neva look at u! and even bother to see if ur cryin o hurt o wat! they wil jus move on with there lifes! so who becomes the looser then???? if they DID care and have a thing called a HEART im sure they wud stop by and listen and b sensitive to other ppl's hearts also! but its always dat case!! but da thin is they arent sensitiv! and they jus dont bother! jus look in to there personal benifit! haha ppl hav started to see benifits in lOve! thats y! and now Love has become a business! it is! cause a person goes on trade! and the other person actually sells the other! and then som1 wil purchase it! use it and throw it away! and then hearts jus get broken! omg seriously ppl put ur thinkin caps on!! where have u been??
where is that love where 2 ppl cared for each other and said that love has no barriers??? where they said love has no colour, financial, age, education o any stupid reason??? that era wil neve com again! now its not lik that! oh ok ur HOT, Ur RICH, UR AWESOM, UR FAMOUS ok i'll go out with u! or else?? NO ur jus a jobless looser in negatv terms! and in positiv terms.. Ermm i dont think wil wrk out cause our lifes are diff! - BULLSHIT!
if u realy put ur heart and soul u can do it! atleast now ppl jus think o a person with CONDITIONS! its lik Love becomes a programming language
IF the person is hot, rich, famous then
i love him
else
no i hate him
end if!
Ermm our stupid lifes are jus driven by HEARTLESS things which is sad... hmm neva knew that this wud happen!! well im really sorry to ma friend and i think hop this wil b an eye opener to all of you guys! jus think and watch out ppls! dont wan any1 to get hurt cause o love!
and lastly i wud lik to say that LOVE is jus one stupid HOLE! any comments welcom! but ppl all i can say is that EVERYone deserves a chance! wel its upto ppl to SAVE the beautiful thin called love or to DESTROY it foreva!!
this is SeAnIe signing off temp hop to com out with a part 2 for this! lets see lahh! if im free hehe!nyway peace to all!!

Spirit Carries On - lyrics when utter dissapointed..

Where did we come from,
Why all here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
And what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?

They say, "Life is too short,"
"The here and the now"
And "You're only given one shot"
But could there be more,
Have I lived before,
Or could this be all that we've got?




If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

I used to be frightened of dying
I used to think death was the end
But that was before
I'm not scared anymore
I know that my soul will transcend

I may never find all the answers
I may never understand why
I may never prove
What I know to be true
But I know that I still have to try

If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

"Move on, be brave
Don't weep at my grave
Because I am no longer here
But please never let
Your memory of me disappear"


Safe in the light that surrounds me
Free of the fear and the pain
My questioning mind
Has helped me to find
The meaning in my life again
Victoria's real
I finally feel
At peace with the girl in my dreams
And now that I'm here
It's perfectly clear
I found out what all of this means

If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

hmm same square over and over again.. heh...

well dint have anything to blog about since i was totally busy and was loosing my head! sigh this week has been a hell of a week and there is no place to even sit and breathe in peace. hmm life has been pretty weird and i really cant figure it out at times! cause of some reasons. well da sad thing that when people become important in your life and that becomes only a temporary importance and when things change as in when it goes to another level they forget the past just like that! err how annoying can that be... well forget about annoying its heart breaking, sad and makes me go speechless also! well all of that is just a good experience in life to get to know people.. sometimes i just get extremely dissapointed because i giv more than 10000% and at the end of the day its jus a waste and i end up gettin an outcome of 0% which has been happenin all my life! its nothing new. and when i make up my mind that everythings gonna b alright and its a NEW chapter BUT turns out to b the same ol boring and annoying chapter which breaks me down at the end of the day! hmm.. people's life our diff. and there words become false. and the worst part is that when i move on somwhere down the line i been brought in connection with ma past and there GOES! grr life is a tough journey. and u know som ppl are soo made out o METAL hearts cause they jus giv stupid reasons and jus fly away. at the end o da day i end up getting all sensitiv over issues.. where as ppl jus dont EVEN bother. cause they dont feel a damn! they dont giv a damn.. they just have a time o there lives and dont evn bother to b sensitiv over anything! well its good when PPL becom harden. and when I becom harden is the bad part cause then ppl start complaining that I have changed and all bull... they got there lives.. ppl are there.. they seem to b more than wanted.. so wat? and y da hell shud i b there?? cause im sure it wont make a diff.. and can turn in to the millions of ppl around? y specifically me me me???? isn't it a big battle?? this is jus insane right now..... but wat to do.. i will have to b me and jus b there when ppl need me.. i believe there is a reason they talk to me.. so i wil b there.. but jus tyrping ma feelings out saying how dissapointed i am cause they only need me in times o trouble... this is where i wish if life i could get any better.. hmmm yet another bit and a piece of life gets blogged up over here... heh jus b who u are! dont change and dont forget ppl cause they care for u and want u to do well in life.. and i know they wil never get it and wil never understand them hehe. its alright! let it b in my heart only! cause in this page its jus me mySelf and I.. where i write ma feelings out..

PS: thank u cliff juDe Zehnder for the awesom song... will post da lyrics after this post! really meaningful and awesom awesom song.. jus can keep on listening over and over again! thank u bro!! tcc!!

mother of mine - lyrics of inspiration

Mother of mine you gave to me,
All of my life to do as i please,
I own everything i have to you,
Mother sweet mother of mine.

Mother of mine when i was young
You showed me the right way
Things should be done,
Without your love where would i be,
Mother sweet mother of mine.

Mother you gave me happiness,
Much more than words can say,
I pray the lord that he may bless you,
Every night and every day.

Mother of mine now i am grown
And i can walk straight all on my own,
I'd like to give you what you gave to me,
Mother sweet mother of mine.

a day which i believe wil change my life..

well.. hmm strange indeed but yet a powerful day in my life! looks lik there has been another awesom moment which i should remember! so hea i am bloggin my thoughts. well it all started like this. ER i have been having a thought in ma mind and actually god spoke to me! i was too stubborn and was trapped by earthly things to accept it! i was seriously going my way and honestly things ended up pretty badly eh :/ hmm i was thinkin thinkin y oh y and then suddenly today BOOM somthing was tlkin to me inside me and i actually realised it was da same voice which was talkin to me at ER! and i was shocked! seriously. and that voice actually explained EVERYTHING to me as to Y things dint wrk out and all! and it all FITTED perfectly! which made me more shocked! and from that moment on ALL wat has been hapenin has jus STRUCK me hard and involving my life!
i really cant believe it. hmmm
evening where the story became more alive was cause we had evening of prayer in church and i was not supposed to go. cause last night desmond was lik if i wanna com with him! and i was lik hmm NAHHH wil think about it! cause was feelin a bit weak since i was a bit sick as well! so today after class i had ma lunch! went bak to ma room and slept! and got up after a good nap! then somthin in ma heart was lik GO FOR IT! so i texted him and told him i was coming! and then he told me to b ready by 7. so anyway we went for it! nothin much it started! so had to help out with vocals and i was singing! and then after aunty who was talking today she was giving her talk! and i was listening to it! and THEN BOOM hea we go again things started to strike again! it was da continuation of morning! and i was thinking! everything she told struck me! and i was taking down all da notes for ma reading purposes and i was listenin very well! even i cant believe i listened so ALERT! cause it was simply about me! hmm then actually i was lik wow wow! and i got ma answer 50% and that 50% i value alot cause it was ALOT for da situ i was in! and then we finished the meeting and went to c121 to hangout! i actually dint wanna go cause i was not feelin well! but AGAIN somthin inside me pushed me to go for it! so i was lik ok! and ASAP i got in desmonds car WE BOTH spoke about wat we eachother felt during the message! and then was pretty amazing cause that message was right on TARGET BULLSEYE and we knew where things were going wrong! and it was lik woooow! and was talking and went to C121 and da rest hadn't com yet! so we were waiting for them! and then Sue came as well. and everyone followed! and they were havin supper while we were all jus talking about stuff! and da convo was going so awesom and i was loving it! listening to sue and da rest! felt lik a real homely feeling! and then 3rd time BOOM happened! adam gav his commitment answer about being serious with god! and then sue was talking about how the empowered youth have taken there VOW of PURITY! and i was lik WHOOOOOOAAAAA pure commitment! and it really struck me again! i was smiling but millions of stuff were runnin in my head! and now im more shocked is cause things are falling into place! before i thought that i was surrounded by probs and i got no place or road to walk on! but then BOOM there god shows me a way which i believe that a locked door was opened! i really cant believe it! and then i thought to my self i will take that way! and i know its NOT gonna b easy! its gonna b FILLED with test and FALLING DOWN! but i know that im jus been put into test! well PURITY is a hard but yet and important thing to keep! well atleast until i finish my degree! cause my attention wil b focused on 2 ways! GOD and STUDIES thats it! nothin more! and this is da road i have been searching for! but GOD showed me in his WAY and TIME! and sue asking that question WHO WANTS TO B SERIOUS WITH GOD! i know my mission which is to spread da fire and gods glory! and now i found my path! and im more than hapy about it! i am willing to walk in that way! for my parents, friends and everyone! and im sure i will b always watched over by god! my heart feels alot of peace today! and i know ITS ALL ABOUT U GOD!!! I AM SAYING YES TO U knowing all wats gonna com across me! thank u and praise u jesus always! AMENNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

my experience at MOUNT SINGAI!

well the title says it all! haha yesterday9th may 2010 i went on a pilgrimage to Mount Singai. Mount Singai is a well known pilgrimage place in Kuching, Malaysia. as the name says its situated on a mountain. haha the unique thing is that while climbing the mountain stations of the cross are located. So its not only gonna b a mountain hike but a hike with a religious touch as well. The catholic students from Swinburne (CSSS) participated in this event. had to wake up early in the mornin! and was a bit tired cause slept at 2 am the previous night after the ER servers dinner. haha so kept the alarm and got up. had a wash and went to A BLOCK where the bus was parked! haha the good thing was Desmond, Mark and Marianne joined as well! haha was so happy that they were coming! anyway went to Mount singhai and started to climb the mountain! it was so much fun! did the way of the cross. took about 30-40 mins to climb the mountain. then came to this awesome place. there was a statue as da picture and it was so nice! took a pic of it for blog haha anyway after going up we jus took a tiny break! and went to this amphitheater place more like an open air stage.

PIcture number 2 shows the mini amphitheater. We had a couple of Ice Breaking Sessions there! Divided the whole crowd into a few groups and did some drama there! it was fun hahaha! since we all knew all of them present there was no Shyness or anything! haha then we were just hanging out for a few more mins and then joined holy mass at the chapel. Picture number 3 shows the chapel where we had mass. Mass was
led by Fr. Albert who is supposed to be a dutch priest. We were joined by few Philippines citizens who had come to sarawak for working. Mass was awesom! was led by CSSS and music was led by me and stephanie! we played guitar and it was awesom! haha basically played most of holy trinity stuff hahaha thankss sueee huggy! hehe and Desmond taught me to play the alluluia in IBAN way ( i hope) haha i cudnt believe i played it that way praise the lord! haha anyway mass was awesome.
Then directly went for lunch cause everyone was really hungry after all that climbing and praying hehe! then had an awesom lunch. nice time to fellowship with each other! haha then after we took a small break and went to the amphitheater again and had some praise and worhip sessions! and some reflections as well. Praise sessions was led by pete and played by Stephie and me again! haha so amazing to jam for the lord. anyway then after had some sharing and we went back to our groups and shared how the word effects our lives. it was good to know how each other felt about it! then sine we were already behind schedule we had to come back the mountain cause we had to hed back to campus. it took about 30 mins to get back to campus and all said goodbye to each other. hmm it was memorable journey and wish could go again hehe! jus wanna tel my CSSS family that you guys are awesom and love you all!!

Boyz II Men A Song For Mama Lyrics

MOTHERS DAY - missing my darling mom!

hmm well its international mother's day! and i would like to wish all mommies worldwide a happy mommy day!! and may godbless u ALL always!! well coming in the topic went for ER thanksgiing dinner today! and after dinner had worship! then we had a session where they brought a cake and they called all the moms to come and cut it and we prayed for all moms worldwide! well my mom was always in ma mind! i was really sad cause i really missed her! was thinkin of the last time she hugged me in the airport! and tears were just flowing in her eyes! omg my heart jus broke down and i was in tears today! sigh! im missing my mom in such an awesom day lik today! even FR JEPPY told all the kids to do somthin for their moms tomoro! but wat can i do! my mommy is miles and miles away from me!! hmm i wish i spend da whole day with mom! well i do love my mom not only for tomoro! but its jus that da day is special i wanna spend it with her! only if god gave me da chance to meet mommy tomoro! sigh! but u knw i really felt it today! well we got 365 days a year! and y one special day to express our love to our moms! sigh! so jus wanna my amma to know that i love you always my darling amma!! ur my everything!! love you so much! and mommy i will always keep u happy! thats a promise i will make to you!
Taking mothers day into another side i am sad yes but i am happy also in a way! that even though my moms not around im sure her prayers are with mama MARYY!! she prayed to mama MARy to protect me and she send her love thru mama mary to me! and i am happy! and i praise and thank god for mama mary for being there for me always and loving me so much!! mama mary i love you always too! ur da mommy of the whole world! please take care of all ur sons and daughters around the world who cant spend da day with their mommy's today!! AMEN!! hmm going to mount singhai today! ts a pilgrimage place! wil update info about it when i com bak!! :) tc all!! HAPPY MOTHER;s DAY ONCE AGAIN!!

continuation of yesterday!!

hmm Finally things are a bit calmed down after yesterdays big drama! omg i seriously had enuf! haha well guess what got up really late 1PM and then went for lunch and classes! went for empowered youth meeting! wow it was awesom and so nice to see everyone once again! haha had a good time! then was hanging out with des and jujude and just talking! omg huge weekend coming ahead! well its saturday mornin 4.40 im jus talking with shehan and he is watchin da match! haha we're jus having a random chat as well! discussing how human life can b complicated hmm! gonna sleep in a while! but im sure gonna get up late! cause its saturday after all! haha got swin choir later then church then got a dinner for all da servers of GLORY yaaayy hahaha then Sunday mornin going to mount singhai for a retreat! haha atleast i wil b away and calmed down! gotta study also! hmm o else i'll b DOOMED hehee anyway glad that things are fallin into place slowly! but sad part is that the ppl who are supposed to b around arent around! which is extremely sad!! i realy wish there was som1 to care for me! but we always dont get what we want do we???? hmmm anyway wil keep holdin on and lets see how things wil go! gonna get som sleep now! haha wil keep on bloggin frequently now! hahaha :P XD its official! will be coming up with a motto for it! jus got only half fixed hehehe XD

HAVE A BAD DAY! TAKE ONE DOWN!

well i havent been updating for sometime! but i hope i wil be able to upload from now atleast! well im having the worst time of my life these day! even though i think that my life is gonna get better it ends up gettin worse! well u try to do somthing good for ppl and they end up Kicking your butt! its da same thin with everything! and in the world today we find really freaky ppl! so WATCH OUT GUYS haha

well today i jus had a really bad day! got Blasted from ma lecturer! well coming to think of it, it was the continuation of yesterday! haha i realised im stil CURSED by som1 and that CURSE keeps on happening! and nothin goes on riGHT sigh!

Dont ask about love cause its da worst thin that can happen to a person! right now in my opinion i think that love is shit! u wan care, love and attention from som1.. STOP thinkin about it! its not gonna wrk! haha cause at the end o the day u end up gettin hurt and HEART BROKEN! ppl say that there is no age barrier for love! but ppl put there OWN terms and conditions! wat a BULLSHIT world we live in! haha
and also ppl LOVE to take advantage over others! hahaha for godsake plsssssss! im sure ppl DISABLED are waaaay better haha!! well its all in attitude which matters!
at the end of the day u wil realise that there is NO1 in this FREAKING world for u! well u gotta survive ur own GAME! if u cant UR DOOMED! well sadly ppl have not been taught how to SOCIALIZE and to GIVE IN thats y they have issues! lik they CANT DO STUFF ON THERE OWN! omggg sad right! hahaha XD XD coming to think o it its sad about them! but sadly only thin we can do is to practice wat we preach and say FORGIVE THEM FOR THEY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THERE DOING! hahaha await moreeeee! coming soon!

CAUSE THE DRAMA HAS JUS BEGUN! hahahaha