junction and after.............

heyy everyone... its me back again.. well cudnt blog for awhile cause i just got back in Malaysia and still settling down. well with the up's and downs im still going on my journey.. i passed the junction which i came across strongly thank and praise almighty god for that. Living in a house is not the same as staying in the hostel. things are pretty different. alot more giving in.. and looking into everyone and mak sure that the house is in 1 piece :P well its all a good experience and great training.. well things have been tough personally... after 21 years had a serious family convo and had to make som important decisions about my family and my self.. well coming to think of it i already feel the responsibilities i have to tak regarding my family.. im ready for all of that.. all i can say is im going to play it as it comes.. oh by the way before i forget i want to testify something.. while back in sri lanka i just felt that i want to go to st. anne's church.. and something was pushing me.. so since dad was also around we decided to go there. it all just connected that sr rani also wanted to madhu but since of the feast agreed to go to thalawila.. well we decided to go on a saturday morning and it was about a 3-4 hour drive. such a good exp to drive out of the city and you have your freedom in the road hahaha i jus love road trips hehehe nywayz coming to the main topic.. went to church and then said the rosary at the statue and then we went to the blessed sacrement.. i had ma pod with me and i jus went there and plugged it in and began to worship. i jus had a vision there! i saw me playing guitar and a choir backing me up. and then sash came over and said mass was going to begin! so i went out and was seated and preparing for mass.. and jus 2 mins before mass began there comes a man sayin WE NEED SOM1 TO PLAY FOR MASS AND A CHOIR TO SING.. i jus cudnt believe my ears. i was lik lord you are so awesome.. and anyway i had a passion to play.. so i played for mass and backed up by our family choir.. it was so awesome that mario was also there he joined into! so felt more confident... was jus worshipping god in all i have.. simply amazing.. hmm well time passed by and i had to come back here. glad that all what i wanted to talk with our family was discussed and then most of them were decided and planned so that every1 was happy at the end of the day... cause next time we meet its gonna b such a rush.. so all are set and planned now.. i came hea and had to deal with som issues in campus... and BOOM hea we go sem 2.. things are going pretty ok.. still 1st week! 13 more to go.. and plus got student council work to see to as well... hmm helping out wit church youth work as well... cause thats one of my dreams.. i really feel that im destined to spread the kingdom over here. and from the boost i got from india and since i have been finding my purpose of my journey.. i feel that i knw its to spread the kingdom.. and i seriously gt some passion to spread it.. i see this road ahead but its a bit misty.. by prayer i knw god wil take that away.. and i will go with it.. had a movie night in church it was about mother teresa's life.. for a suprise it was the movie which was shot in sri lanka.. so i was so happy... and the turn out was nice as well.. got some awesome feedback which encouraged us to go on.. well with all wat i hear and things happen i just get more stronger and feel like going more forward in the journey i have to go.. i really thank and praise god for my brother desmond who is doing a wonderful job in KL... he is going on his journey preaching the word to others.. its so amazing cause his life is a testimony to god.. and he is using it and god has blessed him with some awesom talent.. and so happy for him.. weird things happened as well.. som ppl whom i really well knw try to threaten me thru FB and testin my faith.. well evn though how ever im angry i wil always bless them and forgive them.. cause they really do not know what they are doing.. may god shower his light unto them so that they wil seek his face rather than gettin caught up with external things.. may god bless them 2wice as much more and make them happy. after all they are all children of god.. about the plans for my future.. these coming 13 weeks are challenging.. personally and as a team i got to do alot.. im willing to take it up! just for the love of my family.. i will do anything.. i have to sacrifice certain things.. and i will do that.. just to make my mom smile.. well i knw what ma family is thinkin if im crazy in letting go of certain things.. but its just that i need to make my life straight first and then i will carry on... let it happen when its the right time.. until then i will intercede for that person where ever she is.. may the lord bless and protect her always.. well i got a busy weekend coming up as my mission begins.. i surrender every step unto u lord.. guide me thru the way and jus want you to make me an instrument of you.. so that i'll b able to spread the message of your will... by these words i sign out for the moment! wil b bak with some more pages in my life soon... until then i bid goodbye and leav u with gods blessings!!

i see the junc coming ahead... god help me..

hmmm bak again wit another page in life.. bak after india and the presence of god was simply amazing.. well jus dint feel tat week pass by soo fast.. it was jus awesome.. me by my self.. doin wat eva i wan and spendin that week wit god was truly awesome.. well met new friends.. learnt alot about life and also helped me in figuring about my self.. which was a big "????" nywayz jus got bak from india on monday and now the main question is NOW WHAT??? how are we gonna take it over from hea.. well all i knw is that since we got out of the heavenly gates of divine it has jus been alot of testing which has com across alot in life.. well all what im doing is jus surrendering to god after what i have gone thru... well today jus havin alot o thoughts in my mind so thought o blogging it out.. started off wit uni stuff.. had som stuff to deal wit and was doing it all day and was dead tired... thn finally things are now on pendin mode.. al hop for da best for next week.. then in da evenin put da car key in da car and locked it out... and then was in panik mode had to rush bak home and get bak again.. thank god it was in a reachable area.. but then it was seriosly testing my patience... i was struggling lik crazyy but stil holding on.. well its jus been the beg! its only one week after the retreat and things lik this have been happening.. dunno wat else is in store for da future.. next week is gonna b a crucial week and i wil b taking alot of important decisions in life... which is gonna change alot o things.. its lik 50% 50% im waiting for it and also NOt waiting for it.. cause i really dunno how i feel about it.. dads due next week and will b takin the decisions as such so its gonna effect my future and da days to com.. and there is gonna b alot of letting go then.. sighh but seems lik im gettin ready for all of that.. well its high time i really started to think about my life and try to do somthin about me.. i knw the plans and mission i have to do.. and i know there are alot of responsibilities that i have to tak to ma shoulder.. after january all of that will b comin to my head... so i gotta b ready to tak all of that over me.. so all of that will be taken into consideration next week.. all i can do us sufrrender it to god.. im ready for everythin.. im sick of listenin to all praises ppl talk about da rest.. and its high time i do somthin on my own and com up in life.. its not easy not a straight road. i got NO1 by my side jus god alone. i gotta battle it out.. but right now for all wats happenin is SO not helping.. but the time has com where i really need to tak that heavy bag on my shoulder and start walking in that road. its gonna b jus god and me.. i thought others were happy abo9ut the decisions they made in life.. but seems lik they got there probs as well.. so in that case im happy the way i am.. all i can do is interceed for all of them and go ahead wit my journey.. i forgiv for all o the ppl who make me annoyed and who hav don wrong to me.. thats wat im destined to do.. forgive... after doin so much ppl jus dont evn bother to inform.. well its alright... i stil forgiv... well i knw there were none at the beg and tere wil b none at the end.. its jus GOD AND ME.... as long as he is there wit me i wil not fear.. i feel his presence surround me always.. so im ready it tak it on... today at the end of this day i pen off this page by sayin i forgive all the ppl who don wrong and also ask forgiveness from all if i hav don any wrong. and wil promise to say that i wil interceed for u all.. well its not gonna b an easy task right now.. but in the journey its a challenge from god.. and i wil do it for him, my parents and that person im interceeding for... tc everyone.. hope to b bak wit another page in life soon....

a life changing moment... in a junc waiting for ma turn..

helloo sri lanka.. haha well i know its a bit late but stil "better late than never" hmm thought o blogging today cause i got a biiit Freeee tim and i got alot of thoughts in my mind.. well startin things.. where shud i begin?? well ya takes back to the tim where iw as studying for ma exams.. talking about exams Atghhhh dont ask! feels lik that curse is stil there LOlzz thats jus a thing in my head.. nywayz results were out and Uploads were 2 and Downloads were 2.. so 50% 50% thankgod for that! it was kinda an eye openr as well. cause it helped to choose a path where im comfortable wit.. and also gives me a message that nothin is impossible for me if i really really wanna do it i can do it.. it was proved.. hmm well nywayz now i knw watta do about it and i wil do something about it cause its in ma mind now.. other than that life.. now life has becom pretty interesting.. and weird at the same time.. i came across a few insidents which jus made me pause and think back on life again... well after all this is another piece o life which has turned out to b weird..
well before i came bak to sl i came across a few stuff where i jus thought about life how things can happen to ppl and not to me.. it was a heartbreaker as well.. but i jus skipped it now im in sl and things hea are diff that malaysia..the busy lifestyle is a bit less and dealing wit ppl is NOT as same as there so switching is the best remedy.. hmm well hav been speaking to alot and coming across instances wher things are such.. somtimes i think IF i hve been played around??? cause its lik for a season i am remembered and da next moment jus thrownn to th waste bin????? hmm idk.. cause this weirdness drives me NUTS! well now coming to think properly i agree wit moms statement which is lik sooo tru... applying it to my plan i think that it wil do SOME god for me... well there cam a point where i thought ppl were close but now it has com to think after all wat u do for em.. at the end of the day u get 0... bein there and helpin out has becom somthin which is unexplainable! yaaa right now i sound lik i wanna say somthin but i cant! exaclty i cant do it! cause if i really express my self out hea SO MANY PPL wil get hurt... but i DONT wanna point out mistakes out hea! of course i got my own.. so i will keep them do mee....
well another interesting COMEDY that me and a friend o me are facing is DSW.. welll well that person who is AKA spammer.. is such a weird dumb dimb bulb.. HAHA i dont evn knw why am i evn botherd typing.. who tries to GET attention by makin fake profiles and tryin to run a drama o her own... my mom says is right.. ERR I DUNNO WATS HER PROB... well DSW complains that life doesnt run smoothly and etc... wat a small brain and narrow thinkin is that... thinks that LOVE is everything! came for an argument wit me about love and thinks that lve is jus a smooth road and everythin wil b ok?? EWWWWWWW sooo wrong.. and very very WRONG idea.. DSW has not gone thru the life chapters and thinks that everythin is lik GOOGLE.. u GOOGLE em and u get it and THTS WAT ITS ALL ABOUT?? wat a ......................... nvm.. all i can do is pray..
nywayz no times for dim light bulbs.. gointo india tomoro.. wel its gonna b a life changin journey! I HOP AND PRAY that it wil happen that way cause right now the way life has treated me its JUST GOD thats all i wan... and the way life is goin im NOT happy at all.. I jus need to make my plan straight and ACE it this time.. evn today which is a very special day where BOTH my grand moms celebrate there bday.. hmm goin out for dinner in a while.. CLIFF is in SL and takin him around.. comin bak to topic.. came across this person who is cls and whose achieved somwat and gave this weird att today i was lik WTH>>???? gonna b watchful before aug????? and whereas in im lik flyin tomoro????? hmm how watchful shd i b?? hmmm ppl change! its nothin new.. well also where the ppl are being praised for every singl thin and only we know how da real drama happens... well no use o talkin about all these things.. im gonna put my plan into practice.. jus gonna stick with wat i have to do.... and then in the end its gonna b all good i suppose.. cause im only gonna giv this 3 yrs a chance.. and then until then if things din wrk out.. then im jus gonna talk to ma parents and get plan B working out... well this retreat is gonna do somwat good i guess... hmm knowing my purpose of this life and to get to know my mission... i think i can hold on.. to fullsill my dream! cause im really sick of listening to all the boasting and stuff... its high time that things turned upside down.. and im gonna make that happen.. jus me and god.. and until the real time comess... im not gonna give in... i will really put it into my head this time.. jus cause o DSW im not gonna let dreams shatter... and i wil take over all my family for sure... thats wat im promising before this retreat.. and during this i will have time to put it into my head and to realise things... and after im back my plan will be underway... well thats it for da moment.. well sadly i cant tell everythin i feel! cause then its jus gonna worsen things up,.... nywayz im heading to bed... gotta b at the airport in less than 11 hourss.. and jus finished packing up and in winding my laptop... so long and farewell all.. wil b bak in 1 week time... and then hop to type out som life changing stuff... wil pray for u all!! love to all! take care everybody!!

Where is the love?? - II another random page the book of life..

helloooo everyone.. jus thought of dropping by to say hi to you all!! how is everyone?? im sure all of you are burning your midnight oil by now and getting ready for the SeASoN FiNale! well all the best to all of you! giv ur best shot and let god do the rest!! well i havent been blogging for sometime and thought of typing out something out cause there is such alot in ma heart. Well being having some sleepless nights and trying to finish up assignments. and now tryin to finish up exams. hopfully tim will run fast.. talking about time i cant imagine 6 months jus went really fast! but right now i just need a break! im really tired! i need to get som rest home!! well life has not been offering the very best but i aint gonna panic o worry about it. Certain stuff been happening around me and most of them have been jus reminding me about stuff. This lifestyle kinda takes me bak to the era where i was free after ma o/l's well i thought that no1 wil eva love me again and i know its true! i have come in to the same conclusion once again! and i know that how eva perfect ppl's lifes are things will not be the same with me. If you take life as a competition im waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy behind right now. it kinda suxx as well but oh well.... sometimes it makes me think for a while put ma creativ pictures on and think how gifted other ppl are.. they seem to b havin all the happines in life. no regrets. they get all the love and support they need. hmmm i really thank god for there happiness! may there happiness grow more. thats the only thing i cud wish for right now.! turning the arrow towards me i know that im a seeker of somthing which i value for the rest of my life. im still seeking that thing which i have been longing for. while typing out this i feel that there is alot of sadness in my heart. But i just cant express all of them in words. it just doesnt work out! Moving on.. tomoro which is the last saturday the 5 mystery men will be performing together in church! Des-Con-David-Top & me.. da 5 of us bond so well in church and i jus love da understanding between us while we play! but des is leaving on sunday! which is tragic.. Guardian he is the word says it all! i really salute him! he just does not care about his happiness but always goes one extra mile jus to make the rest happy.. I have never seen a person like him in ma life and im glad that i got to know him! his life conversion and the way god talks to us through his life is surely a testimony to share always! My spiritual life has grown because of him and i have no regrets to say that!! sometimes lik a father, lik a brother, lik a friend lik an adult i look up to him all the time possible. I find it kinda easy to open up to him and i know since he is one step ahead he knows if there is anything wrong in me.. isnt that awesooooom??? im thinkin o taking a break after tomoro and playbak after i com again from sl... sometimes i jus feel that my life is pretty unstable... but he made it stable!! and also now he goes on his journey towards his success!i wish him all the best in life. and bro thank u always for being there for me... means so much! i wil never forget you!! Further on.. the drama continuation has been happening! this time its about playing with lives. For some love is a game and for some love is everything. Playing with somthing which is very precious is jus being a fool f them selves! well i wish i can talk but i wud rather stay quiet! no use of talking to them!! it will be surely a waste of time... I wish i can jus open up all those feelings and tell it out but sadly i cantt!! its all BLOCKED UP! cuase i really dunno how to tell it out! i just cant express my self these days! GRR it suxxxx ooh ya one important thing i wanted to type out was about random comments i got! som ppl try to jus b mean o sarcastic i dunno! but i feel sorry for the simple fact they cant realise that this is my page and i can write anything! i so do not offend anyone through my page! its jus that i write wat i wan and im tryin to express how i feel! well if som ppl cant appreciate that i cant help it! well guys i not scoldin to each and everyone of you kays?? so dont tak it hard! im sure the ppl know who im talkin about!! if they life bullshit o not i really dont care! and i cant help it cause it soo not ma problem! thats da main reason y they cant possibly handl there own relationship cuse o there EGO nothin my EGO hmmm well i jus wish there lives will be changed!! no offense kaysss chill chill i guess i gotta pen off for the moment! but stay tuned cause holidays gonna b awesom!! more posts, covers and awesom stuff coming uppppp!!! until then JIA YOU and GAMBATEH to all!! take care all! godbless!! see u all sooonn!!!

where is the love????

hi hi well its june already and i cant believe 6 months of the year hav just passed by.... sigh sigh been away from home for 6 months and i think its a long time! sigh suxx to b out o home. WeLl da reason i thought o bloggin today is cause im going to open another chapter.. hmmm well today i thought i blogging about LoVe
well honestly i think Love is crazy and its the most stupidest thing which can happen in a persons life! and u give out ur heart to som1 at the end of the day u jus end up being such a LOOSER. well my friend came up to me and told me his story and i felt all this thoughts so im gonna blog it all out! jus wanna say if u who are reading this are lovers.. im sorry! its jus me writing ma thoughts! so please dont get offended! this is jus me me me and me!
so im NOT gonna publish his story cause its privvate! well wat i think is this
Love between 2 ppl is FAKE and seriously with his story i jus hated the word LOVE!
everyone thinks that loVE is a nice sweet thing! but its not! its alL BULLSHIT to the maxx.. cause there is no use of love! a person can b his own and hav there own time! well lOve is a waste of money, time and energy... cause the out come is jus 0!!!! u get nothin outta it! u can debate me anytime! wel u lik a person and u do everything! and at the end o the day u jus end up being such a big looser! cause that person wil jus leav u! and then poor u wil b jus ended up in a corner sheddin tears! and then the person u liked?? heh NO WAY! that person wil neva look at u! and even bother to see if ur cryin o hurt o wat! they wil jus move on with there lifes! so who becomes the looser then???? if they DID care and have a thing called a HEART im sure they wud stop by and listen and b sensitive to other ppl's hearts also! but its always dat case!! but da thin is they arent sensitiv! and they jus dont bother! jus look in to there personal benifit! haha ppl hav started to see benifits in lOve! thats y! and now Love has become a business! it is! cause a person goes on trade! and the other person actually sells the other! and then som1 wil purchase it! use it and throw it away! and then hearts jus get broken! omg seriously ppl put ur thinkin caps on!! where have u been??
where is that love where 2 ppl cared for each other and said that love has no barriers??? where they said love has no colour, financial, age, education o any stupid reason??? that era wil neve com again! now its not lik that! oh ok ur HOT, Ur RICH, UR AWESOM, UR FAMOUS ok i'll go out with u! or else?? NO ur jus a jobless looser in negatv terms! and in positiv terms.. Ermm i dont think wil wrk out cause our lifes are diff! - BULLSHIT!
if u realy put ur heart and soul u can do it! atleast now ppl jus think o a person with CONDITIONS! its lik Love becomes a programming language
IF the person is hot, rich, famous then
i love him
else
no i hate him
end if!
Ermm our stupid lifes are jus driven by HEARTLESS things which is sad... hmm neva knew that this wud happen!! well im really sorry to ma friend and i think hop this wil b an eye opener to all of you guys! jus think and watch out ppls! dont wan any1 to get hurt cause o love!
and lastly i wud lik to say that LOVE is jus one stupid HOLE! any comments welcom! but ppl all i can say is that EVERYone deserves a chance! wel its upto ppl to SAVE the beautiful thin called love or to DESTROY it foreva!!
this is SeAnIe signing off temp hop to com out with a part 2 for this! lets see lahh! if im free hehe!nyway peace to all!!

Spirit Carries On - lyrics when utter dissapointed..

Where did we come from,
Why all here?
Where do we go when we die?
What lies beyond
And what lay before?
Is anything certain in life?

They say, "Life is too short,"
"The here and the now"
And "You're only given one shot"
But could there be more,
Have I lived before,
Or could this be all that we've got?




If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

I used to be frightened of dying
I used to think death was the end
But that was before
I'm not scared anymore
I know that my soul will transcend

I may never find all the answers
I may never understand why
I may never prove
What I know to be true
But I know that I still have to try

If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

"Move on, be brave
Don't weep at my grave
Because I am no longer here
But please never let
Your memory of me disappear"


Safe in the light that surrounds me
Free of the fear and the pain
My questioning mind
Has helped me to find
The meaning in my life again
Victoria's real
I finally feel
At peace with the girl in my dreams
And now that I'm here
It's perfectly clear
I found out what all of this means

If I die tomorrow
I'd be all right
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

hmm same square over and over again.. heh...

well dint have anything to blog about since i was totally busy and was loosing my head! sigh this week has been a hell of a week and there is no place to even sit and breathe in peace. hmm life has been pretty weird and i really cant figure it out at times! cause of some reasons. well da sad thing that when people become important in your life and that becomes only a temporary importance and when things change as in when it goes to another level they forget the past just like that! err how annoying can that be... well forget about annoying its heart breaking, sad and makes me go speechless also! well all of that is just a good experience in life to get to know people.. sometimes i just get extremely dissapointed because i giv more than 10000% and at the end of the day its jus a waste and i end up gettin an outcome of 0% which has been happenin all my life! its nothing new. and when i make up my mind that everythings gonna b alright and its a NEW chapter BUT turns out to b the same ol boring and annoying chapter which breaks me down at the end of the day! hmm.. people's life our diff. and there words become false. and the worst part is that when i move on somwhere down the line i been brought in connection with ma past and there GOES! grr life is a tough journey. and u know som ppl are soo made out o METAL hearts cause they jus giv stupid reasons and jus fly away. at the end o da day i end up getting all sensitiv over issues.. where as ppl jus dont EVEN bother. cause they dont feel a damn! they dont giv a damn.. they just have a time o there lives and dont evn bother to b sensitiv over anything! well its good when PPL becom harden. and when I becom harden is the bad part cause then ppl start complaining that I have changed and all bull... they got there lives.. ppl are there.. they seem to b more than wanted.. so wat? and y da hell shud i b there?? cause im sure it wont make a diff.. and can turn in to the millions of ppl around? y specifically me me me???? isn't it a big battle?? this is jus insane right now..... but wat to do.. i will have to b me and jus b there when ppl need me.. i believe there is a reason they talk to me.. so i wil b there.. but jus tyrping ma feelings out saying how dissapointed i am cause they only need me in times o trouble... this is where i wish if life i could get any better.. hmmm yet another bit and a piece of life gets blogged up over here... heh jus b who u are! dont change and dont forget ppl cause they care for u and want u to do well in life.. and i know they wil never get it and wil never understand them hehe. its alright! let it b in my heart only! cause in this page its jus me mySelf and I.. where i write ma feelings out..

PS: thank u cliff juDe Zehnder for the awesom song... will post da lyrics after this post! really meaningful and awesom awesom song.. jus can keep on listening over and over again! thank u bro!! tcc!!